Friday, December 09, 2005

War On Christmas, If You Want It


Religious Zealots should lay off this “War on Christmas” idea and stick to what they do best-molesting children, blowing up abortion clinics and destroying science education. Christmas is for unchecked commercialism, it has nothing to do with Jesus. He was dirt poor, although I think his progeny got the rights to his book.
That having been said, if progressives are going to be accused of waging war on Christmas, than we might as well. It could be fun. It would be about as logical as a war on drugs or terror, and probably more effective.
First we’ll have to secure the perimeter. I propose a ban on all reindeer immigration. Of course all suspicious –thick bearded- characters attempting to fly into the country will have to receive a full cavity-search for toys. Elves are small and probably relatively easy to kill, but the powerful Manger lobby could be tough to deal with. As far as dealing with the celebrants, we could use internment. And if that doesn’t work we could go back to lions.
Happy Holidays

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